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-12-
The
Marriage Ring
In ordinary cases, "they should be heirs to each other, if they die childless; and if there be children, the wife should be with them a partner in the inheritance. But during their life, the use and employment is common to both their necessities, and in this there is no difference of right, but that the man hath the dispensation of all, and may keep it from his wife, just as the governor of a town may keep it from the right owner; he hath the power, but not the right to do so."
MUTUAL RESPECT is a duty of married life; for though, as we shall afterwards consider, especial reverence is due from the wife, yet is respect due from the husband also. As it is difficult to respect those who are not entitled to it on any other ground than superior rank or common relationship, it is of immense consequence that we should present to each other that conduct which deserves respect and commands it.
Moral esteem is one of the firmest supports and strongest guards of love; and a high degree of excellence cannot fail to produce such esteem. We are more accurately known to each other in this connection, that either to the world, or even to our own servants and children. The privacies of such a relationship lay open our motives, and all the interior of our character; so that we are better known to each other than we are to ourselves. If, therefore, we would be respected, we should be respectable. Charity covers a multitude of faults, it is true; but we must not presume too far upon the credulity and blindness of affection; there is a point beyond which even love cannot be blind to the crimson coloring of a guilty action. Every piece of real sinful conduct, the impropriety of which cannot be mistaken, tends to sink us in each other's esteem, and thus to remove the safeguards of affection. Perhaps this has been sufficiently thought of in wedded life, the parties of which have been sometimes anxious merely to cover their delinquencies from the world, forgetful that it is a dreadful thing to lose their mutual respect. It is delightfully striking to observe how some pairs of eminent moral worth regard each other; what reverence is blended with their love, and how like to angel forms of Heavenly excellence they appear to one another.
In all the conduct of the conjugal state, then, there should be the most marked and unvarying mutual respect, even in little things: there must be no searching after faults nor examining, with microscopic scrutiny, such as cannot be concealed; no reproachful epithets; no rude contempt; no incivility; no cold neglect: there should be courtesy without ceremony; politeness without formality; attention without slavery: it should, in short, be the tenderness of love, supported by esteem, and guided by politeness. And then, we must maintain our mutual respectability before others; strangers, friends, servants, children, must all be taught to respect us, from what they see in our own behaviour. It is in the highest degree improper for either party to do an action, to say a word, or assume a look, that shall have the remotest tendency to lower the other in public esteem.
MUTUAL ATTACHMENT TO EACH OTHER'S SOCIETY is a common duty of husband and wife. We are united to be companions; to live together, to walk together, to talk together. The husband is commanded "to dwell with the wife according to knowledge." This, says Mr. Jay, intends nothing less than residence, opposed to absence and roving. It is absurd for those who have no prospect of dwelling together to enter this state; and those who are already in it should not be unnecessarily abroad. Circumstances of various kinds will doubtless render occasional excursions unavoidable; but let a man return as soon as the design of his absence is accomplished; and let him always travel with the words of Solomon in his mind, "As a bird that wandereth from her nest, so is a man that wandereth from his place." Can a man, while from home, discharge the duties he owes to his household? Can he discipline his children? Can he maintain the worship of God in his family?
I know it is the duty of the wife to lead the devotion in the absence of the husband; and she should take it up as a cross, if not, for the time, as a privilege. Few, however, are thus disposed, and hence one of the sanctuaries of God, for weeks and months together, is shut up. I am sorry to say that there are some husbands who seem fonder of any society than the company of their wives. It appears in the disposal of their leisure hours. How few of these are appropriated to the wife! The evenings are the most domestic periods of the day. To these the wife is peculiarly entitled; she is now most free from her numerous cares and most at liberty to enjoy reading and conversation. It is a sad reflection upon a man when he is fond of spending his evenings abroad. It implies something bad, and it predicts something worse.
And to ensure, as far as possible, the society of her husband at his own fireside, let the wife be "a keeper at home," and do all in her power to render that fireside as attractive as good temper, neatness, and cheerful, affectionate conversation can make it; let her strive to make his own home the soft green on which his heart loves to repose in the sunshine of domestic enjoyment. We can easily imagine that even in Paradise, when man had no apparition of guilt, no visions of crime, no spectral voice from a troubled conscience to make him dread solitude and flee from it, that even then, Adam liked not, on his return from the labor of dressing the garden, to find Eve absent from their bower, but wanted the smile of her countenance to light up his own, and the music of her voice to be the melody of his soul. Think, then, how much more in his fallen estate, with guilt upon his conscience, and care pressing upon his heart, does man now, on coming from the scenes of his anxious toil, need the aid of woman's companionship to drive away the swarm of buzzing cares that light upon the heart to sting it; to smooth the brow ruffled with sadness; to tranquilize the bosom agitated with passion; and at once to reprove and comfort the mind that has in some measure yielded to temptation.