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-7-
The Marriage Ring
Due care should also be exercised in reference to children's interests. Has the woman about to be selected that principle, that prudence, that self-control, that good temper, which, if she became herself a mother, will help her to conceal her partialities (for to suppress them is impossible, and would be unnatural), and to seem no less kind to her adopted off-spring than to her own? That man acts a most cruel, a most wicked part towards the memory of his first wife, who does not provide for her children a kind and judicious friend in his second. Let me become the advocate of fatherless or motherless children, and entreat, for the sake both of the living and the dead, a due regard to the comfort of these orphans.
Nor should less deliberation be exercised by the party who is about to take, or invited to take, the care of another person's children. Have they love enough for the parent to bear the burden of care for his sake? Have they kindness enough, discretion enough, for such a situation, and for such an office? There is no difficulty where the children are lovely in person, and amiable in temper; but when they have no personal attractions, no charms of mind, no endearments of character, then is the time to realize the truth of the remark, "a wife may be supplied, a mother cannot." The man or the woman that can act a parent's part towards a froward and unlovely child must have more than nature (for this belongs only to a real parent), they must have principle and kindness, and need have grace. Let all who are invited to take the superintendence of a family ask themselves if they possess the requisites for the comfortable and satisfactory discharge of its duties. Let them inquire whether it is likely they can be happy in such a situation themselves; for if not, they had far better never enter it, as their unhappiness must inevitably fill the whole family circle with misery.
It cannot be sufficiently deplored that all suitable preparation for the marriage state is usually put aside for the busy activities of vanity, which, in fact, are but as dust in the balance of conjugal destiny. Every thought, and anticipation, and anxiety is too often absorbed in the selection of a house and furniture, and in matters still more insignificant and frivolous. How common is it for a female to spend those hours, day after day, and week after week, in communion with her milliner, debating and discussing the subject of the color, and form, and material in which she is to shine forth in nuptial splendor, which ought to be employed in meditating the eventful step, which is to fix for life her destiny, and that of her intended husband; as if the great object were to appear a gay and fashion-able bride, rather than to be a good and happy wife! But...
Joy, serious and sublime,
Such as doth nerve the energies of prayer,
Should swell the bosom when a maiden's hand,
Filled with life's dewy flowerlets, girdeth on
That harness, which the ministry of Death
Alone unlooseth, but whose fearful power
May stamp the sentence of Eternity.
"Study," said an old author, "the duties of marriage before you enter into it. There are crosses to be borne, there are snares to be avoided, and manifold obligations to be discharged, as well as great felicity to be enjoyed. And should no provision be made? For want of this, result the frequent disappointments of that honorable estate. Hence that repentance which is at once too soon, and too late. The husband knows not how to rule; and the wife knows not how to obey."
Women are not for rule designed,
Nor yet for blind submission. Happy they
Who, while they feel it pleasure to obey,
Have yet a kind companion at their side,
Who in the journey will his power divide;
Or yield the reins, and bid the lady guide;
Then points the wonders of the way, and makes
The duty pleasant that she undertakes;
He shows the objects as they pass along,
And gently rules the movements that are wrong;
He tells her all the skilful driver's art,
And smiles to see how well she acts her part;
Nor praise denies to courage or to skill,
In using power, that he resumes at will.