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-17-
The Marriage Ring
Chapter 4
Special Duties of Husband and Wife
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. —Ephesians 5:22, 25
The husband most in danger of failing in his duty—Christ a model—His love was sincere, ardent, supreme, uniform, practical and laborious, durable, and unchangeable—a plea for the wife—the Wife—her duties—subjection—reverence in speech and action—good humor —meekness—extravagance in show and dress—economy and order—the Mother—her attention to the welfare and comfort of children—keeper at home—literary characters—religious duties and influence—reunion in Heaven
THE HUSBAND
In stating the duties especially enjoined on the two parties in the conjugal union, I shall begin with those of the husband. He is commanded to LOVE his wife.
As we have already shown that love is a duty of both parties, the question very naturally arises, "For what reason is it so especially enjoined upon the husband?" Why is he so particularly bound to the exercise of affection? Perhaps for the following reasons:
1. Because, in the very nature of things, he is most in danger of failing in his duty. Placed by the Creator as the "head of the wife," and invested with a certain right to govern his household, he is more in peril of merging the tender sensibilities in the predominant consciousness of superiority.
2. Because he is actually more deficient in this duty than the other party. This has ever been the case in pagan and Islamic countries. In barbarous nations, especially, conjugal affection has ever been exceedingly weak, and it is probable that even in the more civilized countries of Greece and Rome it was not so generally strong and steady, as it has since been made by Christianity. But without even going beyond the limits of Christendom, it may be truly said, that husbands are usually more deficient in love than wives. The latter, in my opinion, excel the former in tenderness, in strength, in constancy of affection.
3. Because a want of love on the part of the man is likely to be attended with more misery to the other party. He can go to greater excesses in violence, in cruelty, in depravity. The want of this tender passion in him is likely to have a still worse effect upon his own character, and the peace of the wife, than the want of it in her. In either case a destitution of this kind is a melancholy thing; but in him, it is on several accounts the most to be dreaded.
The apostle lays down two models, or rules, for a husband's affection; the one is the love which Christ has manifested for His Church; and the other, the love which a man bears for himself.
In regard to the first, I shall exhibit the properties of Christ's love, and show in what way our affection should be conformed to His.
Christ's love was SINCERE. He did not love in word only, but in deed and in truth. In Him there was no dissimulation; no epithets of endearment going forth out of feigned lips; no actions varnished over with a mere covering of love. We must be like Him, and endeavor to maintain a principle of true regard in the heart, as well as a show of it in the conduct. It is a miserable thing to have to act the part of love, without feeling it. Hypocrisy is base in everything; but next to religion, is most base in affection. Besides, how difficult is it to act the part well, to keep on the mask, and to support the character so as to escape detection! Oh, the misery of that woman's heart, who at length finds out, to her cost, that what she had been accustomed to receive and value as the attentions of a lover, are but tricks of a cunning dissembler!
The love of the Redeemer was ARDENT. Let us, if we would form a correct idea of what should be the state of our hearts towards the woman of our choice, think of that affection which glowed in the breast of the Saviour, when He lived and died for His people. We can possess, it is true, neither the same kind nor the same degree of regard; but surely, when we are referred to such an instance, if not altogether as a model, yet as a motive, it does teach us, that no weak affection is due, or should be offered to the wife of our bosom. We are told by the Saviour Himself, that if He laid down His life for us, it is our duty to lay down ours for the brethren; how much more for the "friend that sticketh closer than a brother!" And if it be our duty to lay down our life, how much more to employ it, while it lasts, in all the offices of an affection, strong, steady, and inventive. She, that for our sake has forsaken the comfortable home, and the watchful care, and the warm embrace of her parents, has a right to expect, in our regard, that which shall make her "forget her father's house," and cause her to feel that with respect to happiness, she is no loser by the exchange. Happy the woman, and such should every husband strive to make his wife, who can look back without a sigh upon the moment, when she quitted forever the guardians, the companions, and the scenes of her childhood!
The love of Christ to His Church was SUPREME. He gives to the world His benevolence, but to the Church His complacency. "The Lord thy God in the midst of thee," said the prophet, "is mighty; he will save thee; He will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love; he will joy over thee with singing." So must the husband regard his wife, above all else; he must "rest in his love." He should regard her not only above all without his house, but above all within it. She must take precedence, both in his heart and conduct, not only of all strangers, but of all relatives, and also of all his children; he ought to love his children for her sake, rather than her for theirs. Is this always the case? On the contrary, have we not often seen men, who appear to be far more interested in their children than in their wives; and who have paid far less attention to the latter than to grown-up daughters? How especially unseemly is it, for a man to be seen fonder of the society of any other woman, than of that of his wife, even where nothing more may be intended than the pleasure of her company. Nor ought he to forsake her in his leisure hours, for any companions of his own sex, however interesting might be their manners or their conversation.