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-15-
The
Marriage Ring
This mutual help should extend to the maintenance of all the habits of domestic order, discipline, and piety. The husband is to be the prophet, priest, and king of the family, to instruct their minds, to lead their devotions, and to govern their tempers; but in all that relates to these important objects, the wife is to be of one mind with him. They are, in these matters, to be workers together, neither of them leaving the other to labor alone, much less opposing or thwarting what is done. "When the sun shines, the moon disappears; when he sets, she appears and shines; so when the husband is at home, he leads domestic worship, when he is absent, the wife must ever take his place."
Some men refer the instruction of young children exclusively to their wives, and some wives, as soon as the children are too old to be taught upon the knee, think that they are exclusively the subjects of paternal care. This is a mistake in the important economy of the family, the members of which are never too young to be taught and disciplined by the father, nor too old to be admonished and warned by the mother. He may sometimes have a great influence in awing the rude spirits of the younger branches; while her soft, persuasive accents may have delightful power to melt or break the hard and stubborn hearts of older ones. Thus they, who have a joint interest in a family, must attend to them in the exercise of a joint labor.
They must be helpful to each other in works of humanity and religious benevolence. Their mutual influence should be exerted, not in restraining, but in stimulating zeal, compassion, and liberality. What a beautiful picture of domestic life is drawn by the pen of the Old Testament historian! "And it fell on a day that Elisha passed to Shunem, where was a great woman; and she constrained him to eat bread. And so it was, that as oft as he passed by, he turned in thither to eat bread. And she said unto her husband, `Behold now, I perceive that this is a holy man of God, which passeth by us continually. Let us make a little chamber on the wall, and let us set for him there a bed, and a table, and a stool, and a candlestick, and it shall be, that when he cometh to us, he shall turn in thither.' And it fell on a day that he came thither, and he turned into the chamber, and lay there."
Every part of this scene is lovely. The generous and pious wish of the wife to provide accommodation for a destitute and dependent prophet; her prompt and prudent effort to interest her husband in the scheme of her benevolence; her discreet and modest keeping of her place in not acting without his permission; her dignified claim of a right to be associated with him in this work of mercy, for, said she, let us make a little chamber on the wall. All is delightful and as it should be on her part; and no less so on the part of the man; for there was no surly refusal, no proud rejection of the plan, because it did not originate with him; no covetous plea for setting it aside, on the ground of expense.
Delighted, as every husband should be, to gratify the benevolent wishes, and support the liberal scheme of his wife, so far as prudence will allow, he consented; the little chamber was erected, and furnished by this holy pair, and soon occupied by the prophet; and never was a generous action more speedily or more richly rewarded. Elisha had no means of his own, by which to acknowledge the kindness; but He who said in after times, "He that receiveth a prophet in the name of a prophet, shall receive a prophet's reward," took upon Himself, as He does in every instance, the cause of His necessitous servant, and most munificently repaid the generous deed.
A lovelier scene is not to be found on earth, than that of a pious couple, employing their mutual influence, and the hours of their retired companionship, in stirring up each other's hearts to deeds of mercy and religious benevolence. Not Adam and Eve in Paradise, with the unspotted robes of their innocence about them, engaged in propping the vine, or trailing the rose of that holy garden, presented to the eyes of angels a more interesting spectacle than this. What a contrast does such a couple present to the pairs, which are almost everywhere to be found, whose calculations are not what they can save from unnecessary expense to bestow upon the cause of God and humanity, but what they can abstract or withhold from the claims of benevolence, to lavish upon splendid furniture, or domestic luxuries.
Are there no wives who attempt to chill the ardor, to limit the beneficence, to stint the charities of their husbands? who, by their incessant, and querulous, and almost quarrelsome suggestions, that he is doing too much for others, and too little for his own family, drive the good man, notwithstanding he is lord of his own property, to exercise his liberality in secret, and bestow his charities by stealth? And what is oftentimes the object of such women? Nothing more than the pride of ambition, or the folly of vanity; only that they might have these parings of charity, to spend upon dress, furniture, and parties.
Perhaps the question will be asked, whether it is proper for a wife to give away the property of her husband in the acts of humanity, or religious benevolence. Such an inquiry ought to be unnecessary; for no woman should be driven to the alternative of either doing nothing for the cause of God and man, or doing what she can by stealth. A sufficient sum ought to be placed at her disposal, to enable her to enjoy the luxury of doing good. Why should not she appear in her own name upon the honorable list of benefactors, and shine forth in her peculiar and separate glory, instead of being always lost in the radiance of our recorded mercy? Why should she have no sphere of benevolent effort? Why should we monopolize to ourselves the blessings of those that are ready to perish?
It is degrading to a married female to allow her no discretion in this matter, no liberty of distribution, no power to dispense, even in cases that concern her sex, but to compel her to beg first of a husband that, which others come to beg of her. If, however, she be unhappily united to a Nabal, a churl, whose sordid, grasping, covetous disposition will yield nothing to the claims of humanity or religion, may she then make up for the deficiency of her husband and diffuse his property unknown to him? I am strongly tempted to answer this question in the affirmative; for if in any instance we may deviate from the ordinary rule, and taking the man at his own word, which he uttered when, in the solemn act of matrimony, he said, "with all my worldly goods I thee endow," may invest the wife with a joint proprietorship, and a right of appropriation, it is in such a case as this.
But still, we must not sacrifice general principles to special cases; and, therefore, I say to every female in such circumstances, obtain, if you can, a separate and fixed allowance for charitable distribution; and if even this be not possible, obtain one for general personal expenses, and by a most rigid frugality save all you can from dress and decorum, for the hallowed purpose of relieving the miseries of your fellow creatures.